feeling like an alien in human skin
i'm going to try and keep this cw-free, largely because a lot of it is deeply personal. so if i'm vague about anything, that's why!
but more often than not, i don't feel like a person.
i was raised in a split household, but moved in with one parent when i was still young. this parent didn't do things the "normal" way. for years, i was kept under this parent's thumb and isolated, made to feel like i was dependant on them for everything, and grew afraid to talk to anyone but them. i left school. i didn't learn things that would be common sense to other human beings. i didn't learn the same mannerisms that other human beings used. i didn't know how to talk to others, and relating to anyone was extremely difficult. i felt wrong. i still feel wrong.
this lasted almost two decades. i've escaped now, but even years later, i still feel like i'm on the outskirts of being a human. every time i see a post about basic human things, i often don't know what they're talking about.
here's an example: things that are "common sense". when you are kept in your house for months at a time, often being in your room only, the things that are common sense to you are not the same as others. you don't learn how to cut avocados, which plastics can be recycled and which can't, you don't learn that some people are a danger when alone (that scenario ended up with me being safe at the end, but it was terrifying all the same), and just... things like that.
you don't learn that when your life is condensed into a vacuum sealed box, when your parent is constantly lying to you about everything inside and outside of that box. so i've been struggling ever since, because i want to be a good human who leaves a good footprint on this planet.
but it's hard to feel normal because i don't know what normal is yet.